Chalazion (warning: medical drama)

Don't know what this is? If you don't-then that's a good thing for you. I've had a wonderful life filled with them, including numerous surgeries to get rid of em. Intrigued yet? Trust me, it isn't the greatest thing in the world.

I just had surgery, again, Friday to have two more of these bad boys removed. To keep you from having to google this wonderful word candy, I will get you in the know.

Chalazion (sha-lay-ze-on) are swollen masses that occur inside your eyelids. (commence queasiness in stomach now). This occurs when the natural oils in your pores cannot drain forcing them to swell. And yes-they are uncomfortable. Sometimes they block my vision; other times they make me look like I'm constantly crying (No I'm not sad over what you have just told me). And still other times they make me look stoned. (this may not be because of the chalazion ha ha).

Anyway-the procedure to remove these sucks. I thought about writing a wonderful descriptionary context better than "sucks", but honestly that just about fits it. First and foremost, and the most easy part, they put eye drops in to numb your eyeball. Not that they will be touching it in anyway-I think that just do it for fun. Then I proceeded to get not one...not two...but THREE SHOTS IN MY EYELID. Holy jumpin jesus juice that hurt.

(pause for dramatic effect)

But now the fun part. Ladies? You ever curl your eyelashes? You know that contraption you use that's crescent shaped? They use one of these puppies to grasp your eyelid and then clamp it back against your forehead. Now I know why they numb your eyeball, because suddenly you are reading the deepest secrets of your inner brain because its backwards (the eye not my secrets). Then just as quick as can be they "lance" the "bump" and squeeze the shit out of your eyelid to get the stuff out. The stuff I'm assuming is a collection of various colored liquids consisting of something I'd rather not think about. And all done!

The truly sad part? I'm liable to get these the remainder of my life. Some go away. Some swell to the size of peas. Hell I've had 8 surgeries so far. I'm a pro now!

So, yeah, I've been busy....

So it has been forever since I have had a chance to really sit down and write a blog; well at least a blog longer than a twitter update. I've been meaning to-I have had a few opportunites-but damn have I been busy. A few updates of what has kept me from sharing with my blogger friends.

Numero uno: I had to travel to Tennessee for two weeks for work. While exciting to go somewhere new (not that I haven't been to the state-just not that far east), it did suck the ever-loving life out of me. Grand total time of two trips in two weeks: 26 hours and almost 1900 miles. ugh. Future blog-my experience in the hotel (not what you think!)

Numero dos: I recently started back at school. Not the type where you have to attend and sit in a class with some of the strangest people you could meet in person; the online type. However, being that this might just be the hardest class I have ever taken, it has required me to fore go doing anything I'd prefer to do. Too bad it lasts until January.

Numero tres: I recently broke it off with my girlfriend of five months. Now you might think "gee Derek now you have more time to blog." While this may be true, that was part of the reason I couldn't blog. Goodbye domestication, hello blogging freedom! While she was a superb woman and had great kids, it just wasn't quite what I was looking for (One of these days I'm going to have to quit being so damn picky. Thank god I like cats)

Numero quattro: My friend Zach stayed for about a week who I haven't seen for almost a year. Yup-no way to blog if you're drunk, killing stuff on a PS3, and ignoring number 2 and number 3. Ooooops!


I'm trying-I'm really trying to make time for real life friends and still pop online and spew my true feelings out (aw how sentimental), but damn life is hard to juggle. Forgive me blogger friends! Note to self: Put blogging on calendar.....