To begin with, I haven't really had a lot of time to post (and you'd be surprised by the feedback I'm getting of "hey, why haven't you posted again yet") and this is almost me just typing for the sake of typing, but I'm pretty sure I can come up with something to talk about.
I have come to the conclusion that my feelings are like a yo-yo. I just got done reading a post at startingoverat24's site (and I so tried to set up a link here-but since I'm missing out on the finer points of linking-I have failed miserably), and I came to the realization that I am by far the world's worst over-analyzer. I don't even think that's a term you can find in the dictionary (albeit it could be-I've only got to the g's as I'm reading through it ;-) ).
It could be what perpetually is the cause of the failure of every single one of the relationships that I strive to obtain. In So24's post, it's all about a debate between two guys and their relationship approaches (and I won't paraphrase here-just go read it). I am almost exactly a mixture of both Jack and Leo. I strive to be both at the same time. It's like a cloud has lifted from my eyes. I THINK TOO MUCH. Sometimes I wish I could shut my brain off!
So to make an extremely long post much shorter (and also because I am not the world's greatest writer), my failure is because instead of enjoying the moment (Jack), I think to myself either "where is this going" or "what am I doing wrong" or the perpetual "when the eff am I going to see her again" (Leo) instead of just enjoying what I have and finding other sources of entertainment. Oh and for you english teacher's out there (wink), I'm pretty sure I just typed a run-on sentence; so sue me!
That's it for now. I have way too many thoughts running through my mind, but in no way can I organize them enough right now for them to make any sense to anyone who might read this
Until next time
*oh and byccmm....the english teacher line was for you...I even went back and corrected some critical errors ;-)
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Fear....
Fear. The transcendence of either years of failure or an unnatural inner feeling that cannot be explained. Why do we fear? For most it is the thought of harm to oneself or others, either physical or emotional. The fear I am speaking about is the fear of failure.
I've always been one to believe that once you have failed at something you should pick yourself back up and try again. Easier said than done. Whether it is failure at achieving something or failure at succeeding at something, it can traumatize you into not trying again. I have failed at many things; many of us have. I will not however quit trying. To quit at life is to not see the bounty of your hard work. You cannot know true happiness if you choose to avoid failure. So what do I fear?
Water. It isn't as if the thought of a shower scares me. Don't get me wrong. I'm saying DEEP water. I think it is the thought of two things. One-I cannot swim. No idea why. I just absolutely sink like a rock. The other is the idea of drowning. Not the most idealistic way to perish is it?
Heights. Self-explanatory. Funny thing is, I can stand on an outside balcony of a 50 story building and be fine, but don't ask me to stand on the top rung of a six foot ladder! I think it is the "safety" net thing.
And my newest fear, after years of failure: Relationships. For most of my life, at least for the last five years or so, I have continued to fail at them, mostly at the hands of another. So my fear associated with this is the fear of being emotionally hurt. I think it is the idea of putting myself too far in only to be squashed like a bug by a falling piano. Is it me that causes these to fail? maybe. I get quite emotionally attached, and it shows, sadly. I've been cursed with the "gee, he's such a nice guy tag" that it comes with the additional thought "let's walk all over him." I can't say that every relationship I have ever had has not been ended by me. I've done my share. Usually, however, it is at the cost of someone who actually does care for me, and I choose to run to keep myself safe. I have a tendency to "over-analyze" every situation, either good or bad. But typically, each and every time I do continue on, in spite of "warning" signs (mainly interior thoughts), it ends with me getting the short end of the stick. So what should I do? Continue on as if nothing has ever happened? Utilize past relationships to look for failures in new ones? Be open and caring as usual, or hold myself in as long as possible? Honestly there isn't a correct course of action in this case. From now on I must focus on myself first (of course with the possible side effect of being one of those old cat ladies, minus the lady part). Wish me luck.
On a side note, I have found someone I find truly intriguing. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, as usual.....
I've always been one to believe that once you have failed at something you should pick yourself back up and try again. Easier said than done. Whether it is failure at achieving something or failure at succeeding at something, it can traumatize you into not trying again. I have failed at many things; many of us have. I will not however quit trying. To quit at life is to not see the bounty of your hard work. You cannot know true happiness if you choose to avoid failure. So what do I fear?
Water. It isn't as if the thought of a shower scares me. Don't get me wrong. I'm saying DEEP water. I think it is the thought of two things. One-I cannot swim. No idea why. I just absolutely sink like a rock. The other is the idea of drowning. Not the most idealistic way to perish is it?
Heights. Self-explanatory. Funny thing is, I can stand on an outside balcony of a 50 story building and be fine, but don't ask me to stand on the top rung of a six foot ladder! I think it is the "safety" net thing.
And my newest fear, after years of failure: Relationships. For most of my life, at least for the last five years or so, I have continued to fail at them, mostly at the hands of another. So my fear associated with this is the fear of being emotionally hurt. I think it is the idea of putting myself too far in only to be squashed like a bug by a falling piano. Is it me that causes these to fail? maybe. I get quite emotionally attached, and it shows, sadly. I've been cursed with the "gee, he's such a nice guy tag" that it comes with the additional thought "let's walk all over him." I can't say that every relationship I have ever had has not been ended by me. I've done my share. Usually, however, it is at the cost of someone who actually does care for me, and I choose to run to keep myself safe. I have a tendency to "over-analyze" every situation, either good or bad. But typically, each and every time I do continue on, in spite of "warning" signs (mainly interior thoughts), it ends with me getting the short end of the stick. So what should I do? Continue on as if nothing has ever happened? Utilize past relationships to look for failures in new ones? Be open and caring as usual, or hold myself in as long as possible? Honestly there isn't a correct course of action in this case. From now on I must focus on myself first (of course with the possible side effect of being one of those old cat ladies, minus the lady part). Wish me luck.
On a side note, I have found someone I find truly intriguing. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, as usual.....
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Tennessee isn't all that bad....
I just returned home from a mandatory trip for work to Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Immediately you might be saying, "gee, gatilinburg? well that isn't so bad-lucky you." I will tell you one thing-it was not the most enjoyable trip I've had.
First and foremost, we were supposed to fly out from St. Louis to Chicago, and then on to Knoxville, before driving into Gatlinburg. So I rolled my sleepy butt out of bed at 4:15 in the morning anticipating a quick trip down. Okay kids-can you say anticipate? Have you ever heard of worst case scenario? We arrive at the airport at around 8:30 for a 9:15 flight (traffic was horrible coming in-there was like 5 wrecks near St. Louis because of snow). The first thing we hear is, "oh, it looks like your flight is cancelled, you'll need to go to the check-in counter." Great. So we wait in line for fifteen to hear that the second half of our flight is cancelled from chicago to knoxville. To make an extremely long story short, it took us three hours, and many phone calls, to finally rent a van to drive to knoxville. For those of you who have ever driven to Gatlinburg, you do know it is back the other direction I just came. To further drive the point home, we took lunch in benton, IL at 12:45. Okay, I live 1 hour and 40 minutes from Benton and I left home at 5 a.m. Let's see, doing the math, almost 8 hours of travel to get 1 hour and 40 minutes from home. Fantastic work!
Moving on. We arrive in Gatlinburg at 11 p.m which is 12 eastern time. Everyone but two people in our cabin are already asleep, and the only place to sleep was on a couch. Fantastic number two. I proceeded to get about 3 hours of sleep because one insomniac co-worker decides to get up at 4.a.m. to make coffee and small talk with a co-worker. Great! 18 hours of travel and then 3 hours sleep. Fantastic number three!
Well the first day we had meetings that lasted all day. 8:30 until ten at night. Granted the meetings were fine (when I could keep my eyes open) and that night we had a great dinner banquet. However-I return to the cabin and my stomach starts hurting. For those who know me, once in a while I get stomach cramps. They usually pass after a couple of days. So I thought "No biggie, just a cramp, I'll sleep it off" HA! Once again on the couch-couldn't sleep at all, and at 5 a.m. mother nature informs me "that dinner wasn't any good-let's return it." Ugh. I enjoy food like everyone else, but not twice! So I missed the first half of day two's meeting, then went, in pain, and attended work until almost 9 that night. Keep in mind I'm running on six hours sleep (as I finally laid down and slept from 9-12 that morning). I'm dying here. Fantastic number four.
Thank goodness our flights back weren't cancelled. Phew. Clear skies-quick travel-home in the afternoon. I couldn't be happier.
To sum it up, however, Gatlinburg has got to be the MOST beautiful place I have been lucky enough to see. I've been to Hawaii, the east coast, Canada, Cancun, and Florida to name a few. By far, Gatlinburg is the most beautiful. I recommend you take a shot at going. So after all, Tennessee isn't all that bad....
First and foremost, we were supposed to fly out from St. Louis to Chicago, and then on to Knoxville, before driving into Gatlinburg. So I rolled my sleepy butt out of bed at 4:15 in the morning anticipating a quick trip down. Okay kids-can you say anticipate? Have you ever heard of worst case scenario? We arrive at the airport at around 8:30 for a 9:15 flight (traffic was horrible coming in-there was like 5 wrecks near St. Louis because of snow). The first thing we hear is, "oh, it looks like your flight is cancelled, you'll need to go to the check-in counter." Great. So we wait in line for fifteen to hear that the second half of our flight is cancelled from chicago to knoxville. To make an extremely long story short, it took us three hours, and many phone calls, to finally rent a van to drive to knoxville. For those of you who have ever driven to Gatlinburg, you do know it is back the other direction I just came. To further drive the point home, we took lunch in benton, IL at 12:45. Okay, I live 1 hour and 40 minutes from Benton and I left home at 5 a.m. Let's see, doing the math, almost 8 hours of travel to get 1 hour and 40 minutes from home. Fantastic work!
Moving on. We arrive in Gatlinburg at 11 p.m which is 12 eastern time. Everyone but two people in our cabin are already asleep, and the only place to sleep was on a couch. Fantastic number two. I proceeded to get about 3 hours of sleep because one insomniac co-worker decides to get up at 4.a.m. to make coffee and small talk with a co-worker. Great! 18 hours of travel and then 3 hours sleep. Fantastic number three!
Well the first day we had meetings that lasted all day. 8:30 until ten at night. Granted the meetings were fine (when I could keep my eyes open) and that night we had a great dinner banquet. However-I return to the cabin and my stomach starts hurting. For those who know me, once in a while I get stomach cramps. They usually pass after a couple of days. So I thought "No biggie, just a cramp, I'll sleep it off" HA! Once again on the couch-couldn't sleep at all, and at 5 a.m. mother nature informs me "that dinner wasn't any good-let's return it." Ugh. I enjoy food like everyone else, but not twice! So I missed the first half of day two's meeting, then went, in pain, and attended work until almost 9 that night. Keep in mind I'm running on six hours sleep (as I finally laid down and slept from 9-12 that morning). I'm dying here. Fantastic number four.
Thank goodness our flights back weren't cancelled. Phew. Clear skies-quick travel-home in the afternoon. I couldn't be happier.
To sum it up, however, Gatlinburg has got to be the MOST beautiful place I have been lucky enough to see. I've been to Hawaii, the east coast, Canada, Cancun, and Florida to name a few. By far, Gatlinburg is the most beautiful. I recommend you take a shot at going. So after all, Tennessee isn't all that bad....
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thanks on thanksgiving...
So today was a splendid day, what with spending it with the family. So many things to enjoy when your family comes together, most of which makes you understand why we all don't live together. However, I thought I would take a moment and appreciate all that which has been given to me.
Of course, when it comes to giving thanks, obviously none of us would be here without are parents. Regardless of the level of interaction or caring that you may have received over the years from your parental figures, they do have just a "slight" bit of responsibility for what they have done for us. So with that said, I am truly thankful for the fact that I have two wonderful parents who have shown me what it takes to be a genuine, caring person. Thanks guys!
I'm also mucho thankful that I have a job. When some people take for granted being able to receive a paycheck and decide they would rather skip work than arrive to earn a dollar, they are not realizing how blessed it is to be employed with the state of our economy. I recently received an email (at work no less) giving a list of companies that are either closing down stores, or closing business completely. Some of these organizations are rather large (Home Depot, Lowe's, Circuit City to name a few) and some not so known (Linens 'n' things or Wilson's Leather). I am so happy to be working for an organization that doesn't do two things: close stores, or lay-off employees. To all those "haters" out there, I am proud to work at Wal-mart and am thankful for all the opportunities that it has brought me.
I'd also like to take a minute to write about someone who has become quite special to me. I won't name names; mainly because I don't want to risk embarrasment on their part. However, this person is, quite possibly, the most down-to-earth person I have ever met. This person takes nothing for granted, focuses on what is before them, and constantly juggles many things at the expense of themselves. On this truly splendid holiday, I am most thankful that I am one of those things that gets "juggled" around, because this person is not only the most radiant person I have encountered, but has also allowed me to hope again. So with that said, thank you.
On a final note-I challenge each and every person that reads this to look at what has been given to you. Whether it is the freedom we have, the love we share, the family that we belong to, the possesions we own, or the air we breathe, nothing we have should ever be taken for granted. Give thanks to someone today, because this is truly what this holiday is all about.
Of course, when it comes to giving thanks, obviously none of us would be here without are parents. Regardless of the level of interaction or caring that you may have received over the years from your parental figures, they do have just a "slight" bit of responsibility for what they have done for us. So with that said, I am truly thankful for the fact that I have two wonderful parents who have shown me what it takes to be a genuine, caring person. Thanks guys!
I'm also mucho thankful that I have a job. When some people take for granted being able to receive a paycheck and decide they would rather skip work than arrive to earn a dollar, they are not realizing how blessed it is to be employed with the state of our economy. I recently received an email (at work no less) giving a list of companies that are either closing down stores, or closing business completely. Some of these organizations are rather large (Home Depot, Lowe's, Circuit City to name a few) and some not so known (Linens 'n' things or Wilson's Leather). I am so happy to be working for an organization that doesn't do two things: close stores, or lay-off employees. To all those "haters" out there, I am proud to work at Wal-mart and am thankful for all the opportunities that it has brought me.
I'd also like to take a minute to write about someone who has become quite special to me. I won't name names; mainly because I don't want to risk embarrasment on their part. However, this person is, quite possibly, the most down-to-earth person I have ever met. This person takes nothing for granted, focuses on what is before them, and constantly juggles many things at the expense of themselves. On this truly splendid holiday, I am most thankful that I am one of those things that gets "juggled" around, because this person is not only the most radiant person I have encountered, but has also allowed me to hope again. So with that said, thank you.
On a final note-I challenge each and every person that reads this to look at what has been given to you. Whether it is the freedom we have, the love we share, the family that we belong to, the possesions we own, or the air we breathe, nothing we have should ever be taken for granted. Give thanks to someone today, because this is truly what this holiday is all about.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Sucking my will to live...
Since I have been working for Wal-mart U, one phrase that has stood out is to "steal shamelessly." So in essence, two fellow friends of the friday persuasion have done this-and now I too jump on the band wagon and share the things that are "sucking my will to live."
1- Farm equipment. Not really farm equipment in general. Just the farm equipment that randomly decides that driving 25 on a major highway is a sport. I don't even think the combine I had to follow for ten miles yesterday had a driver in it. I'm pretty sure farming season is over. I wonder if it just decided to run away from its owner. Oh the humanity.
2- Cleaning and OCD. To be honest, I do not think that I have a large case of OCD. However, it does not combine well with the fact that I absolutely hate to clean. Is it just me or does dust decide to wait until the day AFTER you have cleaned to show up on every object in your house about three inches thick? If you've ever come over to my house and watched me I move objects around until they are where they belong, sometimes in the same exact spot. For example, I think to myself "I think this pillow is out of place" and so I pick it up and then place it right back where it came from. This is such a constant battle. I literally can sit on my couch and fight myself to stay there if something is not done. Ugh.
3- Rain. Now honestly rain does not bother me that much. In fact, I absolutely love a nice sprinkle on a slightly warm day. It feels nice. However, with the large amount that we had this spring and summer, I'm concerned about the flooring of my house. I'm pretty sure the floorboards or crossbeams or whatever you call them are rotting underneath. For those of you that have walked in my house before, that popping and cracking you hear is NOT settling, its breaking. I am so glad I'm renting (at least until I return home someday to see my plasma tv inside the floor!)
4- Myspace wars. Seriously, who decided that myspace should become a warzone? Years ago if you had a tiff with someone, you just quit talking to them. Now it's "oh-I'm upset with you so I'm going to delete you". I received a message from a friend of mine (by cellphone text no less) asking all her friends to delete someone on myspace. Are you serious? Oh wow-life is going to end now. I can't see somebody on myspace! If you are THAT lame and can't get in your car, drive to someones house, and bitch-slap them, then you deserve to be deleted on myspace. I can play that silly game too! Enough said.
5- and finally, texting problems. Everyone knows that you are either a phone call person, or a die-hard texting person. I absolutely love to text. Yes, if it is a personal call, or a long conversation I will pick up the phone. However, it seems no matter what company I go with, I always have issues with the texts. With Cell One it was not receiving texts at all. With Verizon, it seems that every text is the most important text in the world. They are soooooo important that I receive three or four texts sometimes (copies of the same one). Or I receive a copy of a text that is two or three days old. How does this happen? I'm pretty sure I didn't sign up for the constant reminder plan!
As I read back through what I wrote-I sound pretty upset. Ooops. And isn't this supposed to be "wordless wednesday?" Oh well, forgive me. It's my birthday!!
1- Farm equipment. Not really farm equipment in general. Just the farm equipment that randomly decides that driving 25 on a major highway is a sport. I don't even think the combine I had to follow for ten miles yesterday had a driver in it. I'm pretty sure farming season is over. I wonder if it just decided to run away from its owner. Oh the humanity.
2- Cleaning and OCD. To be honest, I do not think that I have a large case of OCD. However, it does not combine well with the fact that I absolutely hate to clean. Is it just me or does dust decide to wait until the day AFTER you have cleaned to show up on every object in your house about three inches thick? If you've ever come over to my house and watched me I move objects around until they are where they belong, sometimes in the same exact spot. For example, I think to myself "I think this pillow is out of place" and so I pick it up and then place it right back where it came from. This is such a constant battle. I literally can sit on my couch and fight myself to stay there if something is not done. Ugh.
3- Rain. Now honestly rain does not bother me that much. In fact, I absolutely love a nice sprinkle on a slightly warm day. It feels nice. However, with the large amount that we had this spring and summer, I'm concerned about the flooring of my house. I'm pretty sure the floorboards or crossbeams or whatever you call them are rotting underneath. For those of you that have walked in my house before, that popping and cracking you hear is NOT settling, its breaking. I am so glad I'm renting (at least until I return home someday to see my plasma tv inside the floor!)
4- Myspace wars. Seriously, who decided that myspace should become a warzone? Years ago if you had a tiff with someone, you just quit talking to them. Now it's "oh-I'm upset with you so I'm going to delete you". I received a message from a friend of mine (by cellphone text no less) asking all her friends to delete someone on myspace. Are you serious? Oh wow-life is going to end now. I can't see somebody on myspace! If you are THAT lame and can't get in your car, drive to someones house, and bitch-slap them, then you deserve to be deleted on myspace. I can play that silly game too! Enough said.
5- and finally, texting problems. Everyone knows that you are either a phone call person, or a die-hard texting person. I absolutely love to text. Yes, if it is a personal call, or a long conversation I will pick up the phone. However, it seems no matter what company I go with, I always have issues with the texts. With Cell One it was not receiving texts at all. With Verizon, it seems that every text is the most important text in the world. They are soooooo important that I receive three or four texts sometimes (copies of the same one). Or I receive a copy of a text that is two or three days old. How does this happen? I'm pretty sure I didn't sign up for the constant reminder plan!
As I read back through what I wrote-I sound pretty upset. Ooops. And isn't this supposed to be "wordless wednesday?" Oh well, forgive me. It's my birthday!!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
My romance rules...yeah I don't follow them
I recently discussed this with a wonderful friend of mine (go katie!). Specifically, what are the rules to follow when dating someone? I hadn't taken the time to jot these down. You may not agree with some of them, and I have shamelessly (sp) stolen some from other spots, so bear with me.
1. The rule of three. Most people know this one. If the discussion of sexual partners comes up, and a member of the female persuasion says a number, mulitply by three. If a member of the male persuasion says a number divide by three. I like this rule. Males try to sound experienced, girls try to not sound "whorish".
2. The rule of seven. Never under any circumstances date someone more or less than seven years age difference. Honestly, you are either dating someone who you have to treat like a child, or someone who acts like your parent. Ugh.
3. The rule of seven part deux. For maturity reasonality (oohhh sounds like a technical term), add seven to a girls age, and subtract seven from a guys. For example, if you are say 26 and female and want to date a 19 year old male, they will "act" 12. Likewise if you are 30 and male and want to date a 23 year old female, they will "act" your age. Fun stuff (this is why you always see an older guy in relationships, I think).
4. The rule of "are you stupid?". Never, under any circumstances, date anyone under the age of 21 if you are over the age of 24. I'm sorry, I left highschool behind like 14 years ago. Why would I ever want to go back? Double Ugh.
5. The tolerance line rule. Ok, this is more like a we have been dating a while rule. But it still falls under this heading. There always comes a time during the relationship when you think to yourself "am I happy?" and is a pivotal turning point. If you tell yourself you are happy some of the time and unhappy part of it, you aren't happy. There is a specific line you cross called the tolerance line. You can be with someone and be happy part of the time, but if you ever can't tolerate someone it is time to move on. The moment you have to put up with someone, you are holding on to what you think will happen instead of reality.
There are more rules, but honestly, my fingers are tired and I need to potty (ok tmi, I know).
Until next time.
1. The rule of three. Most people know this one. If the discussion of sexual partners comes up, and a member of the female persuasion says a number, mulitply by three. If a member of the male persuasion says a number divide by three. I like this rule. Males try to sound experienced, girls try to not sound "whorish".
2. The rule of seven. Never under any circumstances date someone more or less than seven years age difference. Honestly, you are either dating someone who you have to treat like a child, or someone who acts like your parent. Ugh.
3. The rule of seven part deux. For maturity reasonality (oohhh sounds like a technical term), add seven to a girls age, and subtract seven from a guys. For example, if you are say 26 and female and want to date a 19 year old male, they will "act" 12. Likewise if you are 30 and male and want to date a 23 year old female, they will "act" your age. Fun stuff (this is why you always see an older guy in relationships, I think).
4. The rule of "are you stupid?". Never, under any circumstances, date anyone under the age of 21 if you are over the age of 24. I'm sorry, I left highschool behind like 14 years ago. Why would I ever want to go back? Double Ugh.
5. The tolerance line rule. Ok, this is more like a we have been dating a while rule. But it still falls under this heading. There always comes a time during the relationship when you think to yourself "am I happy?" and is a pivotal turning point. If you tell yourself you are happy some of the time and unhappy part of it, you aren't happy. There is a specific line you cross called the tolerance line. You can be with someone and be happy part of the time, but if you ever can't tolerate someone it is time to move on. The moment you have to put up with someone, you are holding on to what you think will happen instead of reality.
There are more rules, but honestly, my fingers are tired and I need to potty (ok tmi, I know).
Until next time.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Here it goes
So I'm sitting at home, pondering my existence. I have received much pressure to do this, although in a way it is a much needed stress reliever. So here I am trying the blogging experience (not that I haven't blogged on my-space, but I assume this is more professional).
The question is-do I write about something serious, funny, sad, touching, or just plain stupid. Sometimes you have to just let the words pour out of the ends of your fingertips. At times it comes out like molasses in winter, other times like a broken water main. So we will see...
I have decided I am searching for things that do not exist. One of which is true happiness. Although I have frequently put my heart out to be seen in all of its glory, it is yet to be captured. Let me digress. It has been captured before, just not appreciated fully. Yeah that's it! I recently took a personality survey on myself, and it scared the shit out of me how accurate it was! (whoa change of subject-but hold on like it's a rollercoaster-I'll come back) Within said personality survey it stated that I fall too hard to fast, and usually for signigicant others who eventually leave me regardless of the choices I make. Whoa. Sounds like a custom photo of my life; without the glossy finish.
I have also decided something else. There is nothing more beneficial to someones sanity than a very close-knit group of friends. I have never truly appreciated the level of caring that my true friends have for me. So-thanks Mandy, Fab, Katie, and Andy. You guys rock!
And for my final thought for this evening, I have to take a moment to thank one more person. Regardless of how he acts occasionally, or the words he uses, the situations he puts himself in, or his rough exterior, I have to tell "my brother" thank you. If anyone always has my back it is him. He may not read this blog, but I know I have written it and it makes me feel better. Maybe I'll tell him. Maybe.
Until next time
The question is-do I write about something serious, funny, sad, touching, or just plain stupid. Sometimes you have to just let the words pour out of the ends of your fingertips. At times it comes out like molasses in winter, other times like a broken water main. So we will see...
I have decided I am searching for things that do not exist. One of which is true happiness. Although I have frequently put my heart out to be seen in all of its glory, it is yet to be captured. Let me digress. It has been captured before, just not appreciated fully. Yeah that's it! I recently took a personality survey on myself, and it scared the shit out of me how accurate it was! (whoa change of subject-but hold on like it's a rollercoaster-I'll come back) Within said personality survey it stated that I fall too hard to fast, and usually for signigicant others who eventually leave me regardless of the choices I make. Whoa. Sounds like a custom photo of my life; without the glossy finish.
I have also decided something else. There is nothing more beneficial to someones sanity than a very close-knit group of friends. I have never truly appreciated the level of caring that my true friends have for me. So-thanks Mandy, Fab, Katie, and Andy. You guys rock!
And for my final thought for this evening, I have to take a moment to thank one more person. Regardless of how he acts occasionally, or the words he uses, the situations he puts himself in, or his rough exterior, I have to tell "my brother" thank you. If anyone always has my back it is him. He may not read this blog, but I know I have written it and it makes me feel better. Maybe I'll tell him. Maybe.
Until next time
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